When the Anticipation of Anticipatory Grief is Gone

When the Anticipation of Anticipatory Grief is Gone

There comes a time when all that you’ve been anticipating finally comes to pass. In an instant, the weight of reality sets on your chest and even though you’ve been expecting its arrival, that elephant of grief refuses to let you breathe. You knew it was coming, you might have even wanted it to come, you’ve been anticipating it for certain, but when it happens, you have to deal with the depth of the reality.

Often, there is an overwhelming sense of “finally.” The relief that feels as though it shouldn’t be a part of any grief story suddenly becomes its star. Then the regret of the relief. You might feel sorrow that the reality is true, the person is dead, the relationship is over, the job is gone…and you might not (yet, at least).

It’s important to feel what you’re feeling without judgment. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up for you in the process. Don’t assign value to the feelings, just observe them and see what they may have to teach you.

Remember, every grief (anticipatory or reality, future or present) will remind your somatic nervous system of how it felt in similar past experiences. Any unresolved feelings may resurface and give you another chance to observe them, name them, and see what they may have to teach you – without assigning value to them.

My journey is finding me in this bath of mixed feelings. Leaving a corporate industry that has largely seemed to be my identity to shift to work in my calling, includes a myriad of grief, excitement, joy, dread, courage, fear, and love. Each of those is ok and I sit with each one as they come up for me and feel them, relate to them, and then let them go when they are ready. I encourage you to do likewise.

Sometimes the anticipation of the grief has aided the processing so that when the grief happens, it is you leading others on the path you’ve just completed.