Grief Doesn’t Have to Suck

Grief Doesn’t Have to Suck

Sometimes grief sucks, but grief doesn’t have to suck.

Today is my mom’s birthday. The second one since she died. That means her death anniversary is two weeks away. She died two weeks to the day after her last birthday. The first year without her was so hard. All the firsts and the distance growing from the last moment we shared on earth. Watching the camera roll include more and more photos between the present and the last photo of her. Agony. That first year was so hard.

This past year has been hard for different reasons. Her first great-grandchild was born. All the first of a newborn have been without her. Her first grandchild graduated college…without her physically present. Without her voice saying, “YEEEEESSSS! I am so proud of you!” We all heard it in our hearts and heads, but to not hear it out loud was painful.

New business ventures would benefit from the wisdom of her entrepreneurial experiences but we go it alone, praying she can somehow influence us from the other side. All the questions we want her answers for, we have to trust she has already instilled in us the skills to reach the right conclusion.

We have grown closer in her absence. We have learned to lean on each other because we can’t lean on her. In some ways it has made us stronger, more resilient. In other ways we feel like we are walking bruised thru life. And in all ways both things are simultaneously true.

As I reflect on the past two years without my mom, I come to this day and I’m so thankful. Thankful for her, for the way she grew into the amazing Granma she was, for the way she became my best friend, for the way she led, and the way she continues to influence our daily lives. I grieve her absence, but I rejoice in her presence and today, grief doesn’t suck. It’s a reminder of how much I love her.

Happy Birthday, Mama!